


Heaven Can Wait

by ProxyOne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProxyOne/pseuds/ProxyOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened after Dean & Cas left Nora's?  Set during 9.06. Fluff with a side of angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Can Wait

"So Cas. Where to?"

Cas stared at Dean over the top of the Impala. Everything about the night had gone wrong. He'd tried to do what humans do and go on a date, but he'd woefully misinterpreted the signals from Nora. Of course she wasn't interested in him. She hardly knew him. And that fiasco when she'd found his sleeping bag and toothbrush ... well. Humans made it all seem so easy, but he was struggling far more than he'd thought was possible. And then he'd nearly been killed by Ephraim. Him, Castiel! He had been one of the strongest angels around, once. Once, it wouldn't have been a problem. But now ... if Dean hadn't worked it out and gotten there when he had, who knows what might have happened?

Dean. Why had he even come? Cas had given him the information that he needed, but Dean had still turned up to see him. And Cas was happy about it. It still hurt, Dean kicking him out of the bunker, and he still wasn't sure that he should be seeing Dean after that, but his stomach had still turned flips when that smiling face had appeared before him. 

Cas supposed that was just more of him misreading signals. He had thought that Dean was happy to see him when he and Sam had found him with April, but then Dean had told him to leave. That had hurt more than anything else had done before. Heaven had tortured him. He had fallen, he had had his grace forcibly ripped out by Metatron, he had been killed, and none of it had come close to that feeling when Dean had said he couldn't stay. And then he turned up again, that huge smile that was so rare brightening up his face, just like nothing had ever happened. So yeah, he was hurt, and pissed, and all of it was Dean's fault, and yet it was Dean who had saved him yet again, and Dean who made him happier than ever despite the pain that he was going through. It didn't make any sense.

He watched Dean for a moment, but couldn't answer him. He sighed, and ducked down into the passenger seat of the Impala. Dean got in beside him, and Cas did his best not to look over at his friend - for he was his friend, despite everything that had happened between them.

 _No_ , he corrected himself. _Because of everything between us._

"You okay?" Dean asked, concern colouring his voice.

"I'm fine, Dean."

"You sure? Because you don't look fine."

Cas sat in silence, unsure how to answer that question.

"Hey, I'm sorry it didn't work out with that chick -"

"Nora."

"Yeah, Nora." Dean chuckled a little, but it sounded forced. Cas glanced over at Dean, and saw that his eyes had returned to the wounded look that they so often carried, the look that Cas wished he could wash away with a couple of fingers to the forehead. Even at his strongest though, he knew that was impossible, so what chance was there now? Now that he was in this basically useless form, there was almost nothing he could do. And all of these feelings, emotions, things he had never had to deal with before. It was almost more than he could bear. And most of them seemed to intensify when Dean was around. He had no idea what most of them meant. Just that they were almost all unbearable, yet he didn't want to lose any of them, so bear them he must.

"That was ... unfortunate. It seems that I misunderstood what she meant. I seem to do that a lot."

"Yeah well, it happens to the best of us."

"So it would seem."

They sat in silence a few minutes more, Cas beginning to relax a little, feel more like he used to when he was able to just enjoy Dean's company.

"We should probably move from outside your boss's house." Dean remarked, starting the car up. "She'll think you're trying to stalk her or something."

"She said I was special."

Dean looked sideways at Cas, his eyebrow cocked.

"Did she really? Good for you, man."

"I'm not sure what she meant by that."

Dean continued looking at Cas, his eyes unfocussing slightly as though he was thinking back to something.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out one day, Cas." he answered, somewhat cryptically to Cas's mind. "So where am I taking you? You got a place near here?"

"I don't have a place, no."

"So where do you go when you aren't at work?"

Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat, suddenly embarrassed. This wasn't exactly going to prove to Dean that he could take care of himself.

"I usually come into work for the late shift, so I just... I stay there, in the store room."

There was silence, and Cas glanced back over at Dean. The other man was gazing at him, concern and pity and something else all mixed together in his expression. 

"Not tonight, you're not." Dean finally responded. "You're coming with me."

"Come with you where?" Cas asked, confused.

"We'll grab some takeout, you can come stay at the motel with me. It's not exactly the Ritz, but it's still better than a storeroom floor in a Gas 'n' Sip."

Cas smiled slightly, unsure about this plan but he had to admit, it did sound a lot better than what he had been doing recently.

***

Dean kicked open the door to the room, dumping the bags of food on the small table nestled in the corner.

"Here we go. A proper bed and all the cable porn you can take." Dean said with a lecherous grin, though his face did begin to go a slightly red shade almost immediately. Cas looked up at Dean, then looked back at the food.

"I am quite hungry. It has been some time since I ate. I'm still getting used to having to structure time for food."

"Yeah, you and me both, and I've had my entire life doing this."

Cas permitted himself a small grin. Already it was feeling like normal, being with Dean. Comfortable. They sat down at the table, eating in silence. It was a good silence though, the type that didn't need to be filled. Cas wished they could stay like this. It was nice, having his own life, not answering to anyone other than customers, and he did like it. But being with Dean, well. That felt like home. He didn't know how to explain it, but that was what it was. Dean was home. He sighed.

"What's up?" Dean asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Cas found himself gazing at those reddened lips, shining slightly where Dean had licked them. Cas forced his eyes back up to meet Dean's.

"Nothing. I was just thinking that I have missed this."

Dean's face went blank, and he said nothing. Cas was worried he'd said the wrong thing - again - when Dean brightened up.

"Hey, what do you say we watch a movie?"

"Yes?" Cas ventured, unsure exactly how else to respond. His knowledge of movies was minimal to say the least. He had seen some cartoons, and of course the pizza man. Who could forget the pizza man? Somehow he had the impression that that was't exactly what Dean had in mind though. He stood, balling up the rubbish from his food. Dean followed his lead, clearing the table and throwing it all in the bin.

"C'mon. What do you feel like. Comedy? Action?"

"I don't know. I've never really thought about what type of movies I would like."

"Ok. Well, you wait here. I'll go out and get something. Make it a surprise, what do you say?"

"Yes?"

Cas was slightly thrown by the change in Dean's behaviour. He was still Dean, but ... different. He couldn't quite place what that difference was, but it was there. Funny thing was, he didn't really care. Dean had grabbed his keys and was standing in the doorway, looking back in at Cas.

"Right. I'll be back soon, okay? Don't go anywhere without me."

"Of course, Dean. I'm always happy to wait for you."

Dean blinked a few times and Cas, and he began to wonder if he had used the wrong words. It was true though. He was always happy to wait. Always had been, always would be.

"Yeah ... Uh ... right. Well, I'll be quick as I can." 

Dean flashed Cas a quick smile and pulled the door shut behind him. Cas moved to sit on the bed. It was only now that he noticed that there was only one, a king. He guessed that made sense - after all, without Sam there there was no need to get a room with two beds. That did pose the question though - where was he supposed to sleep? Oh well, it wasn't like he wasn't used to sleeping on a floor. Though the thought of a bed had appealed somewhat. 

Cas got up to switch on the tv. He flicked through the channels aimlessly, but he found himself glancing at the door to check for Dean more often than he looked the screen. He found himself getting up, pacing around the room. There was very little to indicate that the room was occupied. The bed was made, the rubbish had been cleared off the table. Dean's duffle bag was next to the bed where he'd dropped it, but other than that there was nothing. He found himself wondering if Dean's room at the bunker was as spartan. It made him sad, knowing that this was Dean's life. This was all he had ever known. He was glad that they had found the bunker, even if it was a place that he would never be allowed to stay in. He stood in thought, and didn't realise how long he had been standing there until the door opened and Dean walked in.

"So, I'm guessing you haven't seen Lord of the Rings yet," Dean said as he entered, looking at the dvd case in his hand. "Director's cut, we'll be able to kill some time with that." 

Cas suddenly felt awkward, standing in the middle of the room. He looked from Dean, to the bed, back to Dean. Dean suddenly looked uneasy.

"Oh, right. The bed. Yeah. I wasn't really expecting to be here with anyone else. It's ok, I'll just crash on the floor. Or in the car."

"No, Dean. This is your room that you've paid for. I'm fine sleeping on the floor. I'm used to it now."

A look of pity flashed across Dean's face.

"All the more reason for you to have the bed, man. Can't have you sleeping on the floor every night Live a little, enjoy the comfort of a motel bed."

"No, Dean. I really don't want -"

"Enough, Cas. We'll sort it out later. For now it's Lord of the Rings time."

Dean bounded across the room, tossing his keys on the bedside table, and put the dvd on. He moved back to sit on the bed, leaning back against the wall while Cas stayed where he was. He had never had a problem being close to Dean - in fact, Dean had called him out on just how close he was on more than one occasion. Not for a while though, so he had never really thought too much about it. But now ... maybe it was being human, but he was all of a sudden very aware of just how close they would be if he sat on the bed next to Dean. He decided to sit on the chair next to the bed. That seemed to be the best way to solve the problem. He was still near Dean, even if there was half a bed between them, and he could still see the television, but he didn't feel like he was intruding too much. Dean gave him a sideways look.

"Cas?" he asked, then stopped. Cas waiting to hear if there was anything else, but there wasn't, so he remained silent, watching the tv as the dvd loaded up. He was painfully aware of Dean staring at him, and he didn't quite know why it bothered him so much. It was nothing any different to how they always had behaved with each other, yet at the same time ... it was completely different.

"Cas, talk to me. I know things haven't been easy for you here. I don't want to pry, but y'know. If you need anything..." he trailed off. Cas felt a sudden surge of anger, and did his best to suppress it.

"I'll let you know, Dean." he forced out, unwilling to trust himself to say anything else. If there was anything he needed, it was to know _why_. Why had Dean made so much effort to find him and take him back to the bunker, only to tell him to leave? Why had he found Cas again at the Gas 'n' Sip, brought him back here like everything was like it was, when Cas knew that Dean would just leave in the morning? _Why?_

If there was anything he needed, it was to stay with Dean.

Dean opened his mouth to answer, but clearly thought better of it because nothing came out. They sat in silence for a while, the menu playing in the background but neither man really paying any attention to it, each lost in his own world.

"You sure you're comfortable in that chair?" Dean finally broke the silence. "Trust me, it's a lot nicer here. If you'd prefer, I can sit in the chair instead. I want to ... I want you to have a good night. One night, at least."

Cas looked back at Dean, rolled his eyes and got up. He slid onto the bed, his feet up, back against the wall. There was as much distance between the two of them as there could possibly be, but it still felt a little awkward to Cas. There was so much he wanted to say to Dean, but he couldn't even work out how to clarify it in his own head, so he remained silent. All he knew was that he was so hurt, and he couldn't work out why.

"Look, Cas. I get it. You're pissed at me. And you know what? You have every right to be. But you just have to take my word for it. It's better this way."

Dean wasn't looking at Cas as he spoke. It was strange, but Cas had the feeling that Dean really was holding something back. That there was something he wasn't telling him, something that would explain this all in a way that Cas would understand, but for some reason he wasn't willing to share.

 _It must be something to do with Sam_ , Cas thought. It was the only thing that made sense. Cas was sure that Dean wouldn't just abandon him for no reason at all. Still, the fact that Dean didn't trust him enough to share whatever it was with him cut. He had hoped that maybe they were past this. Though it really was Cas's fault. If he hadn't been so stupid, if he hadn't trusted Metatron, none of this would have happened. Though he was still angry, he felt his resolve soften. It was Dean, after all. This bond that they had - it had been through so much, and still it hadn't broken. Perhaps it never would.

"Dean, I..." he trailed off, unsure what he meant to say. He started again. "Dean, whatever it is, maybe I can help."

"No, Cas. You're human now, and being around us- around me, well. It's a good way to get killed. Or worse. And I can't have that happen, not to you."

Dean had turned his body, slightly angling it towards Cas. Cas found himself doing the same, so now, even with all that empty bed space between them, it was like there was no distance at all.

"I keep thinking about the pizza man." Cas blurted out, and Dean's eyebrows shot up.

"Really? That's - that's an interesting change in topic," he stammered before visibly regathering himself.

"I'm sorry, I don't really know why I said that. But Dean, you don't need to worry about me. I can look after myself. I've been doing it for many more thousands of years than you've even existed."

"That's as may be, Cas, but you've never done it like this. And really? What about any of this makes you think about the pizza man? Does any of this remind you of Meg? Don't answer that." he ended quickly, turning himself back around to face the tv.

And that was it. Cas knew what was going on. This _did_ remind him of Meg. Well, not exactly. Dean was nothing like Meg. But there was something there, some sort of tension, that reminded Cas of those times with Meg. Amplified a thousand times, but still the same. No wonder he hadn't recognised it. It was too much, too strong to be recognisable. And that just opened a whole different can of worms because this was Dean, and Cas was pretty sure Dean didn't really go for types like the vessel he had taken. He wondered if Jimmy would know what to do if he was here, but Jimmy was long gone, enjoying his place in heaven. For some reason God had seen fit to put Castiel back in the same vessel, but without a roommate. Which was probably for the best, given the circumstances.

But none of that changed the fact that the tension was the same as with Meg, and she certainly had reciprocated those feelings. So what was Cas to make of this? There _was_ one other thing he had learned from the pizza man. He supposed it was worth a shot, and it wouldn't exactly be lying either.

"Dean? When we were fighting with Ephraim, I think I may have been injured. Would it be possible for you to check for me?"

Dean gave Cas another of those sideways glances, but he turned towards the former angel all the same.

"Yeah, sure," he answered, his voice slightly huskier than normal. "Whereabouts?"

"Here." Cas answered, pointing to a spot just above his shoulder blade. He turned his back to Dean, felt the other shuffle over a bit closer. Fingers gripped the collar of his shirt and gingerly pulled.

"I don't know. I can't really see the spot you were pointing at. Your shirt doesn't stretch enough."

The way Dean's voice cracked a little as he spoke sent shivers along Cas's spine.

"You'll uh ... you'll have to undo a couple of buttons again."

Something in the way Dean said that left Cas in no doubt that Dean knew exactly what his friend was doing, and was going along with it. Cas's stomach was turning somersaults, and he did as Dean requested. Undid all of them, in fact, and took great interest in the fact that Dean didn't stop him from doing so. He shrugged the shirt off his shoulders, and he felt Dean's hands help it on its journey downwards. Fingers trailed softly along his skin. He could feel goosebumps forming along the path Dean's fingers left.

"Uh. You've got a bit of a bruise, but nothing major. No..." Dean went silent for a moment, but his fingers continued their explorations, now moving over all of Cas's back. Cas turned his head to look at Dean, and was pleasantly suprised to note the vacant and slightly disbelieving expression on his face.

"Dean?" he asked softly, and Dean jolted back to reality, jerking his hand back. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and Cas couldn't resist any longer. He turned to face Dean. Dean didn't move, but instead let his gaze wander over Cas's face, eyes resting level with Cas's lips. Cas leaned forward and pressed those lips to the stubble just to the side of Dean's mouth. Dean stiffened for a second, then before Cas could react Dean was grabbing Cas, shifting so their mouths were flush against each other. Cas's eyes widened in surprise, then they drifted shut as the two men began kissing, Dean's hand reaching up to gently caress Cas's face. Cas let his body remember what it was supposed to do and pressed himself into Dean, his arms coming up to drag his fingers through Dean's hair.

Dean's tongue probed for entrance, and Cas opened his mouth, tasting Dean for the first time and finding himself quite unable to believe the feelings that were surging through him. A groan slipped out, and he felt Dean's fingers tighten slightly on the side of his face. His own grip on Dean tightened in response, eliciting an answering groan in reply. Their lips broke apart, but their foreheads rested together, noses touching, and somehow this was even better. It put Cas in mind of when he had held Dean's soul, that bright ball of energy that couldn't stop shining no matter how many scars Hell had tried to cover it with, and he realised that it had always been Dean, _would_ always be Dean. How had he never noticed it before? There was a lot to be said for being human.

"Damn it Cas, why are you doing this to me? Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?"

Cas pulled his head away, but they continued to cling to each other.

"You have?" he asked, more shivers of excitement coursing through him.

"Yeah. But there was no way you were ever gonna look at me like that. You're a freaking angel of the lord, and I'm only two steps away from being an evil demon son of a bitch. I screw everything up. There's no way I deserve something like you."

"Dean, you are the brightest soul I have ever seen. Even with what Hell tried to do to you, no other soul has ever come close. And you prove that every day, in everything you do. And you forget, I'm no angel anymore. I don't know that I was ever a very good one. If there is anyone who is unworthy, it is me being unworthy of you."

Dean laughed mirthlessly, but looked at Cas like he'd just discovered the greatest treasure the world had to offer. He smiled again, a genuine smile full of warmth and no little sadness.

"Damn it, why couldn't we have worked this out sooner?"

"These things happen in their own time for their own reasons, Dean." Cas answered, but he wished for the same thing. They both lay down, arms still around each other, kissing sometimes, other times just looking at each other like it was the last time they would ever see each other and wanted to memorise each other's faces. Which, given the lives they lead, was altogether too likely. At some point Dean had switched the tv off. 

"This doesn't really change anything, does it?" Cas asked eventually, as the sun began to rise. Dean closed his eyes.

"I wish it did, Cas. You have no idea how much I wish it did."

Cas sighed, and Dean went rigid in his arms.

"Cas, as soon as I can I'm going to find a way to get you back. I am. But for now..."

"I understand, Dean." Cas answered softly, even though he really didn't. But he did trust Dean. He knew Dean wouldn't be doing this without good reason, even if he couldn't tell Cas what those reasons were. 

Cas pulled Dean in closer, raining kisses over his face. He moved towards his lips, and as they kissed each other he made a silent promise to himself.

_I'm going to show Dean that he can trust me as much as I trust him. I'm going to show him that being human isn't going to stop me from being able to help him._

_Dean, you carry too much on your own shoulders. I will find a way to lift some of that burden for you._


End file.
